Siblings are often among our first friends, shaping us as we shape them.
Through them, we discover the art of sharing, conflict resolution, and understanding the intricacies of family dynamics and broader society. Their role in our lives is significant, sharing our past and our dreams for the future.When a sibling passes away, the surviving brothers and sisters must adapt to a world forever altered. Their lives change, and so does their sense of self.
In 2018, the Koenig family was first introduced to Edmarc when their daughter Chloe was diagnosed with Ewings Sarcoma. While Chloe’s parents, Jeff and Crissy, were focusing a lot of their attention on her treatments, little brother Brycen was learning to handle the diagnosis in his own way. Siblings of children with cancer feel immense stress; family routines change, and they often experience anger, sadness, anxiety, and guilt.
Brycen said, “I felt like it was a waiting game, especially after she beat it the first time. Then she got it again and beat it again. So, it always felt like we were in a waiting game for it to happen again. When she had cancer, she was grumpy, and when she didn’t have cancer, she’d play with me. And she’d play pranks! I have a very specific memory of playing in the pool with her, and she gave me a piggyback ride while my mom was sunbathing, and she just started splashing her. When her cancer would come back though, we didn’t play as much, and I didn’t want to intrude or bother her. I knew she didn’t feel good and that the meds made her grumpy, and I didn’t want any of it to be because of me. I also felt like none of the plans or updates were being told to me. It felt like all of the attention was going to Chloe.”
“I felt like I was a level below everything.”
When Chloe passed away in March 2023, Edmarc’s bereavement program provided support to the Koenig family, meeting each family member’s individual needs. Working with Edmarc’s Director of Bereavement, Megan Gillispie, has really helped Brycen in his grief journey.
“It helps to have someone who has experience in this and knows a). how to help and b). understands what I might be feeling. I trust Megan! Working with her, I’ve noticed a change in how I communicate. Before, I hardly communicated at all, then it went to notes, then text messages, and now it’s me being able to talk to my parents and if I feel like I can’t talk, I find different ways to communicate my needs.”
“If it is too big for me to talk to my parents about, I can talk to Megan about it, and she will explain it to my parents.”
Crissy said “We are so appreciative of the program, because it has helped the three of us talk more. And I feel like we have organic conversations that we normally wouldn’t have had. In the last few months, we’ve seen Brycen a lot more. Instead of being stuck in his room, he’s much more present and involved with us than he was.”
“I feel like I’ve gotten to know a lot more about Brycen.”
Jeff added, “I know for me and Crissy, it was frustrating to get to the root of what was going on with Brycen when he would just shut down. As a parent, you want to help your kids. Opening up and being able to talk as a family has helped so much. I think he has an insight into what parents and adults deal with because of how extreme things were. We were trying to do all the stuff for Chloe not knowing it was hurting him. We found out later how bad it was hurting him and tried to explain to him what was going on, but it was way more than what kids normally deal with, let alone understand. Now I think he understands a lot better that there are other factors that can be the reason for things being a certain way.”
Brycen shared that Edmarc has made a huge difference in his life. “I’m a lot more open now. Going through all of this definitely does something to you. It made me mature quite a bit. I feel like I can acknowledge stuff with a better approach than I might have been able to before. My relationship with my parents has gotten a lot stronger too. I love them to freaking pieces! Working with Megan helped me find the confidence to talk about things differently. I’ve even been inspired to write a book helping other kids know that it is fine to think like this or even that it is fine to have a good week.”
