Supporting Children When Someone They Love Has a Serious Illness
When a loved one is diagnosed with a serious illness, it can be a confusing and overwhelming time for children. They may not fully understand what is happening, yet they feel the emotional weight of the situation. As adults, we can help guide children through this difficult time by
offering support, understanding, and a safe space to express their emotions. Here are some important ways to support children when someone they love is seriously ill.
1. Be Honest and Age-Appropriate
Children can often sense when something is wrong, and hiding the truth may lead to more confusion or fear. It’s important to be honest with them about the situation in a way that is appropriate for their age. Younger children may need simple, straightforward explanations, while older children might require more details. Avoid using overly complicated medical terminology; instead, focus on explaining what the illness means in terms of what they may see or experience.
For example, you might say, “Grandma is very sick, and the doctors are doing everything they can to help her. She’s going to need a lot of rest, and she may look different, but she’s still the same Grandma who loves you very much.”
2. Encourage Open Communications
Create a space where children feel comfortable asking questions and expressing their feelings. Let them know that all their emotions—whether it’s fear, anger, sadness, or confusion—are valid. Some children might be more inclined to talk, while others might express themselves through drawing, playing, or writing. Encourage whichever form of communication they’re most comfortable with, and reassure them that it’s okay to talk about how they’re feeling.
It’s also helpful to check in regularly, as their thoughts and feelings may change over time. Having ongoing conversations can prevent children from bottling up their emotions.
3. Maintain Routine and Normalcy
When a family is dealing with a serious illness, the disruption to daily life can be unsettling for children. Maintaining a sense of routine can help provide them with a sense of stability. Regular activities such as school, sports, and playdates allow children to retain a sense of normalcy, even when things at home feel uncertain.
While it’s important to keep them informed about the situation, it’s equally important to allow them to continue being kids. Balancing communication with routine helps them cope without feeling overwhelmed.
4. Involve Them in Care in Small Ways
Depending on their age and emotional readiness, children may benefit from being involved in the care of their loved one in small, meaningful ways. This could include drawing pictures to brighten up a hospital room, helping to make cards, or simply spending quiet time with their loved one. These small acts of love and care can help them feel more connected and empowered during a time when so much feels out of their control.
At the same time, be mindful of the child’s emotional limits. Ensure they understand that their role is not to fix or heal their loved one, but to offer comfort and love.
5. Provide Reassurance and Comfort
Children may fear for their loved one’s safety or even their own. Reassuring them that they are safe, loved, and cared for can help ease some of their anxiety. Remind them that many people, including doctors, nurses, and other family members, are working hard to care for their loved one.
It’s also important to acknowledge the uncertainty of the situation. While you can’t promise a certain outcome, you can offer reassurance that you will face whatever happens together as a family.
6. Seek Additional Support
In some cases, children may need extra support beyond what family members can provide. Counseling, therapy, or support groups specifically designed for children coping with a loved one’s illness can be incredibly valuable. These resources offer a safe space for children to process their emotions and connect with others who may be experiencing something similar.
Hospices and organizations that specialize in family care often provide bereavement and emotional support services for children. These services can help children build coping skills and navigate the complex emotions that arise when someone they love is seriously ill.
At Edmarc, in addition to our bereavement support, we also run Peace by Piece, our children’s community grief support group. This program provides a supportive environment where children can express their feelings, learn healthy coping skills, and find comfort in knowing they are not alone.
7. Model Healthy Coping Strategies
Children often look to adults for cues on how to handle challenging situations. By modeling healthy coping strategies, such as talking openly about your own emotions, practicing self-care, and seeking support when needed, you show them that it’s okay to ask for help and that they don’t have to go through this alone.
Additionally, take care of your own emotional well-being. Supporting a child through a loved one’s illness can be emotionally draining, and it’s important to ensure that you have the support you need as well.
Conclusion
Supporting children when someone they love is seriously ill is a delicate process that requires patience, empathy, and open communication. By being honest with them, providing a safe space for their emotions, and maintaining a sense of normalcy, we can help children navigate this challenging time with resilience. With love and support, they can find ways to cope and hold onto hope, even in the face of uncertainty.
